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                                        '''Balancing Relationships'''
== Balancing Relationships ==


'''Introduction'''
'''Introduction'''


This world is filled with many characteristics such as: love, joy and happiness; decisions, trials and tribulations; and  
This world is filled with many characteristics such as: love, joy and happiness; decisions, trials and tribulations; and wars, hate and sadness. The question then arises of how we may face the previous characteristics of this world. The options of how to face the world include: facing life alone - in total independence; facing it with relationships with other people; facing it with a relationship with only God; or finding a balance between the relationships a person has with God and people. The relationships on which we focus drive our lives and can either help us or hurt us. To face the characteristics of this world positively and effectively a person must follow the best guide to life: the Bible. The Bible is how a person can practically tell what relationships are needed and how to balance the relationships a person has with God and with man.
wars, hate and sadness. The question then arises of how we may face the characteristics and elements of this world. The options  
of how to face the world include: facing life alone - in total independence; facing it with relationships with other people;  
facing it with a relationship with God; or finding a balance between the relationships a person has with God and people. The  
relationships on which we focus drive our lives and can either help or hurt us. To face the characteristics of this world  
positively and effectively a person must follow the best guide to life: the Bible. The Bible is how a person can practically  
tell what relationships are needed and how to balance the relationships a person has with God and with man.


'''Total Independence'''
'''Total Independence'''
   
 
Very few people in life are totally independent. In fact, a person may find it difficult to remove him or herself from all  
Very few people in life are totally independent. In fact, a person may find it difficult to remove him or herself from all aspects of society. Total independence and seclusion are many times utilized for social punishment. To illustrate this idea, Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to the islands of Elba and later to Saint Helena as an imprisonment; as a punishment and to suppress him. In fact, with many imprisonments the punishment is centered on seclusion. During the Korean War many United States prisoners of war were imprisoned in complete seclusion as a means to completely cut them off from all other Americans. The reason was to quickly deteriorate their hopes of any victory and also to quickly ebb the morale and sanity of the soldiers. During this time, Korean soldiers would try to “brainwash” (this is when this term gained notoriety) the prisoners. They would slander capitalism and other American institutions as failures daily, and contrast that with proof of the superiority of communism (“Prisoners of War in the Korean War”). According to the listings in the article “Prisoners of War in the Korean War,” approximately 2,600 soldiers died in this type of setting, while other soldiers were claimed to suffer from disease or abuse. This information helps to prove that with being secluded and without something for which they could live, situations are difficult to face. Soldiers like this – living in seclusion and being repetitively attacked psychologically – would go to bed and not wake up the next morning.  
aspects society. Total independence and seclusion are many times utilized for social punishment. To illustrate this idea,  
 
Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to Elba and later to Saint Helena as an imprisonment; partly as punishment and also to entirely
Though seclusion may not be forced, through this example we can see the results of the secluded POWs when facing difficulties. This is the same with us in our relationships: if we are in seclusion we prevent ourselves from witnessing the love that is available to us from relationships with people. This way of living – a life of seclusion – is near impossible, though not wholly impossible. Like the prisoners of war we would have nothing for which we could live our lives making life meaningless. On the contrary, relationships give more meaning to our lives and more support in our lives, for it is difficult to face life alone. This proves that this option of facing the world is not the best.
suppress him. In fact, with many imprisonments, the punishment is centered on seclusion. During the Korean War many United  
 
States prisoners of war were imprisoned as a means to completely cut them off from all other Americans. The reason was to  
quickly deteriorate their hopes of any victory and also to quickly ebb the morale and sanity of the soldiers. During this time,  
Korean soldiers would try to “brainwash” (this is when this term gained notoriety) the American soldiers. Daily, they would  
slander capitalism and other American institutions as failures, and then give proof of the superiority of communism (“Prisoners  
of War in the Korean War”). According to the listings in the article “Prisoners of War in the Korean War,” approximately 2,600  
soldiers died in this type of setting, while other soldiers were said to suffer from disease or abuse. This information helps to  
prove that with being secluded and without something to live for, situations are more difficult to face. Soldiers like this –  
living in seclusion and being repetitively attacked psychologically – would go to bed and not wake up the next morning.  
   
Though seclusion may not be forced, we can see (through this example) the results of the secluded POWs when facing  
difficulties. This is the same with us in our relationships: if we are in seclusion, we prevent ourselves from witnessing the  
love that is available to us from relationships with people. This way of living – seclusion – is near impossible, though not  
wholly impossible. Like the prisoners of war we would have nothing for which we could live our lives making life meaningless. On  
the contrary, relationships give more meaning to our lives and more support in our lives, for it is difficult to face life  
alone. This proves that this option of facing the world is not the best.
           
'''The Extreme Possibilities of Dependence'''
'''The Extreme Possibilities of Dependence'''
   
 
Since total independence from any type of relationship is proven to not be the best way to live life, the possibilities of  
Since total independence from any type of relationship is proven not to be the best way to live, the possibilities of a type of dependence will be covered. The two possibilities are living with relationships with only man and having a relationship with God alone.
a type of dependence will be covered. The two possibilities here are living life with relationships with only man, and having  
 
only a relationship with God.
             
'''''Relationships with Man'''''
'''''Relationships with Man'''''
   
The second overall option – the first dependency option – is the option of having relationships with only man, which is the
opposite of total independence. From the beginning of life on earth, people have formed into tribes and similar groups to make
life easier. The tribe would divide the work into tasks that certain people would be able to accomplish easier. For example, the
males would hunt, defend the tribe if needed, and find protection against the weather while the women and some children would
gather certain foods and prepare it to provide for the families and tribe. The system as a whole was very effective and helped
the tribes flourish.
   
Just like that example of the tribes, we today depend on other people to work together to flourish. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 and
12 states that "Two are better than one…. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! … Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (NIV)


Not much else can be added to this verse, for it speaks for itself. Everyone recognizes the power and ability of a large group  
The second overall option – the first dependency option – is that of having relationships with only man, which is the opposite of total independence. From the beginning of life on earth people have formed into tribes and similar groups to make life easier. The tribe would divide the work into tasks that certain people would be able to accomplish easier. For example, the males would hunt, defend the tribe if needed, and find protection against the weather while the women and some children would gather certain foods and prepare it to provide for the families and tribe. The system as a whole was very effective and helped the tribes flourish.
compared to individuals. To illustrate how groups can bring strength and comfort to each other at the same time, I will explain  
Just like that example of the tribes, we today depend on other people to work together to flourish. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 and 12 states that
Jane Elliot’s eye color experiment. Jane Elliot, a grade school teacher, once conducted an experiment with her third grade  
 
class. In this experiment, I saw evident groups being formed that fit into what was just explained in Ecclesiastes 4. This
Two are better than one…. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! … Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (NIV)
experiment’s purpose was to see how children would learn firsthand the elements of discrimination. Elliot divided up the class  
 
based on eye color. The children with blue eyes went in one group and the other group was of brown-eyed children; the first  
Not much else can be added to this verse, for it speaks for itself. Everyone recognizes the power, abilities, and comfort that is available in a large group compared to what individuality offers. To illustrate how groups can bring strength and comfort to each member at the same time I will explain Jane Elliot’s eye color experiment. Jane Elliot, a grade school teacher, once conducted an experiment with her third grade class. I saw evident groups being formed in this experiment that fit into what was previously explained in Ecclesiastes 4. The purpose of this experiment was to see how children would learn firsthand the elements of discrimination. Elliot divided up the class based on eye color. The children with blue eyes went in one group and the other group was of brown-eyed children; the first group had to wear a collar around their necks to show the superiority of the other. Then, she told them that the blue-eyed group would be “on the bottom” and the brown-eyed group “on the top.” Jane then experienced the brown-eyed group acting physically and psychologically superior to the blue-eyed group. The brown-eyed group was standing up straighter and paying more attention in class, but they would mistreat the blue-eyed group. What the blue-eyed group did in response was very interesting. The group began struggling in all classes and seemed to consistently slouch. The most interesting thing the groups did when friendships were broken as Elliot started this experiment was after receiving harassment: new friendships were formed in these groups.
group had to wear a collar around their necks to show the superiority of the other. Then, she told them that the blue-eyed group  
 
would be “on the bottom” and the brown-eyed group “on the top.” Jane then experienced the brown-eyed group acting physically and  
Next, Elliot tested the children again by reversing the order of superiority (along with the group wearing the collar); the blue-eyed group was now “on the top.” The brown-eyed group, whose members were once individuals “on the top," was then forming groups at the bottom just as the blue-eyed group did because they were the failing group. But when the brown-eyed group took advantage of their superiority, the blue-eyed group was more empathetic. When they were superior they were not as degrading as the brown-eyed group was, they also did not become individuals with power; they only were a group more superior to the brown-eyed group. No harassment was issued by the superior group. When looking at this experiment, a person can see that groups are formed out of need; out of desire of solace and comfort.
psychologically superior to the blue-eyed group. The brown-eyed group was standing up straighter and paying more attention in  
 
class, but they would mistreat the blue-eyed group. What the blue-eyed group did in response was very interesting. The group  
The children of Elliot’s third grade class can understand Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12 with much ease. “It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth,” and also that, “By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst” (The Message).
began struggling in all classes and seemed to consistently slouch. The most interesting thing the group did when friendships  
were broken as Elliot started this experiment was after receiving harassment, they quickly formed new friendships.


Next, Elliot tested the children again by reversing the order of superiority (along with the group wearing the collar); the
blue-eyed group was now “on the top.” The brown-eyed group, who were once individuals when they were at the top, was then
forming groups at the bottom just as the blue-eyed group did because they were the failing group. But when the brown-eyed group
took advantage of their superiority, the blue-eyed group did not. When they were superior they were not as degrading as the
brown-eyed group was, and did not become individuals with power, they only were a group more superior to the brown-eyed group
without the harassment. Regardless, when looking at this experiment, a person can see groups are formed out of need; out of
desire of solace and comfort.
     
The children of Elliot’s third grade class can understand Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12. “It’s better to have a partner than go
it alone. Share the work, share the wealth,” and also that, “By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the
worst” (The Message).
               
'''''Relationship with God'''''
'''''Relationship with God'''''
   
 
The other extreme possibility of having a relationship is only depending on the relationship with God. This was a popular  
The other extreme possibility of having a relationship is only having a dependence on God. This was a popular belief during the Monastic Movement. The Monastic Movement focused on people taking a vow of poverty and solitude and go out into the wilderness to pray, to be educated, and to be spiritually grown (Kreis). This way of living worked well for the monks involved. The alone time that they spent in prayer and learning Scripture with God helped them when they went from community to community to share the Gospel with people. A person today may have a similar kind of solitude occur. It could be either on purpose, like a priest taking a sabbatical leave, or circumstantial. What I mean by circumstantial is that at times a person may lose support of friends and have to face things alone with God. Personally, I experienced this when I dedicated my life to Christ for all my friends left me and I was alone to grow and live for God. But the person that is alone should not worry about being physically alone – because God is there in spirit. He will come (John 14:18) and be a part of a person’s heart. Once He has come, He will give ample strength  and aid (Isaiah 41:10) to a person and nothing in this world can separate that person from the love and grace that is given by God (Romans 8:35-39, Deuteronomy 31:6). This series of verses is what is promised by God and is proven true through the prophets and monks, as well as through any follower of Christ that has been alone.  
belief during the Monastic Movement. The Monastic Movement focused on people taking a vow of poverty and solitude and go out  
 
into the wilderness to pray, be educated, and to be spiritually grown (Kreis). This way of living worked well for the monks  
There is a practicality in seclusion, as shown by Jay Dennis in his book The Jesus Habits. Dennis uses Jesus’ examples in the Gospels to show how people today can benefit from the practice of seclusion. To illustrate, Jesus was human so he got hungry, tired, his feet hurt, and he was worn by teaching. What Jesus would do to be renewed, restored and recharged was to go off alone to pray, as Luke 5:16 states that “Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray” (NASB). Sometimes we need to go off alone like Jesus to “spend time with God…and [allow our] emotional and spiritual batteries to be recharged” (Dennis). Dennis covers the following points of what Jesus accomplished from seclusion that we can follow:  He found the Father’s will, prayed, recharged spiritually and emotionally, ate (Mark 6:31-32), gained the right perspective, learned to do spiritual battle and listened to what God wanted us to hear. I will briefly expound a few.  
involved. The alone time that they spent in prayer and learning Scripture with God helped them when they went from community to  
 
community to share the Gospel with people. A person today may do something similar. It could be on purpose, like a priest taking  
Being alone also helps us find the will of God. This example comes from the gospel of Matthew 26:36-46. Jesus went up to the garden of Gethsemane to withdraw to clarify his understanding of the will of the Father. Since he knew that he could not face what was to come on his own, he prayed, “Yet, not as my will, but as you (the Father) will.” He just needed reassurance of God’s will that everything would be made right. This shows us that secluding ourselves in prayer to find out and follow the Father’s will may not be the easiest or most convenient for us, but it is necessary to bring clarity to our perception of it.   
a sabbatical leave, or circumstantial. What I mean by circumstantial is that at times a person may lose support of friends and  
 
have to face things alone with God. Personally, I experienced this when I dedicated my life to Christ, for all my friends left  
The second that I will cover is that Jesus would use his seclusion to recharge spiritually and emotionally. It is a human quality to run out of energy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. An example of this is when Jesus, after healing many people and leading out demons, woke up in the morning while it was still dark and went off to a place of solitude to pray (Mark 1:34-35). This was Jesus’ time to recharge spiritually. Also, after finding out of the death of John the Baptist, Jesus went by boat to a solitary place (Matt. 14:13), which was Jesus’ time to grieve and recharge emotionally. Finally, after teaching in the mountains and feeding the crowd of five thousand, Jesus went off alone (Matt. 14:23) to have time to recharge physically.  
me and I was alone to grow and live for God. But the person that is alone shouldn’t worry about being physically alone – because  
 
God is there in Spirit. He will come (John 14:18) and be a part of a person’s heart. Once He has come, He will give ample  
The third is to gain the right perspective. When Jesus fed the five thousand in John 6 and the people saw the great miracle, people began to think that he was the Prophet that was expected to become king of the land. Jesus knew that they wanted him to become king – even by force – and, in response, He went off again to the mountains alone (John 6:14-15). He used this time to pray to God to gain the right perspective. Many times, people today should withdraw and really focus on gaining the right perspective of something to make sure it is within God’s will.  
strength  and aid (Isaiah 41:10) to a person and nothing in this world can separate that person from that love and grace that is  
 
given by God (Romans 8:35-39, Deuteronomy 31:6). This series of verses is what was promised by God and was proven true through  
The fourth and final example on which I will expound is to do spiritual battle. Jesus, in Matthew 4:1-11, is brought out into the desert by the Spirit to grow spiritually by doing battle. Satan comes to tempt Jesus in his seclusion, but Jesus grows from this trial rather than falling into Satan’s hands as He beats the temptations of Satan. Many times people are tempted the most while in seclusion and prayer, but also win the greatest battles against Satan and his temptations in that seclusion. As Jesus did, we should have the Word of God to help defend us in this time of seclusion; as Joshua 1:8 says that we should not let the Word depart from us and we should “ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure [we] practice everything written in it” (The Message).
the prophets and monks, as well as through any follower of Christ that has been alone.  
 
   
It is very practical to experience this alone time with God in today’s world. This can be very difficult at times, but even seclusion from aspects of society can have great effects. For example, things like disconnecting the computer, television, games, and music for a while and really getting into meditation of God and on His Word will aid a person, as in the past examples from Dennis’ book. Thus far, this seclusion with God is the most practical option of living life, for God promises to be all we need. The first was life without people and God, and the second was to live totally with people and not include God. But we must realize that God was before we ever were. Genesis 1:1 states that, “In the beginning God…” which proves man was not there yet, it was only God. We cannot live separate from God; on the contrary, God can live without us. Compared to our relationship with God, nothing is near that important. God alone is sufficient. But still, does living only in a relationship with God living life to the fullest that it can be? The best way to live life to its fullest would be to balance the two examples of dependence.  
There is a practicality in seclusion, as shown by Jay Dennis in his book The Jesus Habits. Dennis uses Jesus’ examples in  
 
the Gospels to show how people today can benefit from the practice of seclusion. To illustrate, Jesus was human so he got  
hungry, tired, his feet hurt, and he was worn by teaching. What Jesus would do to be renewed, restored and recharged was to go  
off alone to pray, as Luke 5:16 states that “Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray” (NASB). Sometimes  
people need to go off alone like Jesus to “spend time with God…and [allow our] emotional and spiritual batteries to be  
recharged” (Dennis). Dennis covers the following points of what Jesus accomplished from seclusion that we can follow:  He found  
the Father’s will, prayed, recharged spiritually and emotionally, ate (Mark 6:31-32), gained the right perspective, learned to  
do spiritual battle and listened to what God wanted us to hear. I will briefly cover a few.  
   
Being alone also helps us find the will of God. This example comes from the gospel of Matthew 26:36-46. Jesus went up to  
the garden of Gethsemane withdraw to clarify his understanding of the will of the Father. Since he knew that he could not face  
what was to come on his own, he prayed, “Yet, not as my will, but as you (the Father) will.” He just needed reassurance of God’s  
will that everything would be made right. This shows us that secluding ourselves to find out and follow the Father’s will may  
not be the easiest or most convenient for us, but it is necessary to bring clarity to our perception of it.   
   
The second that I will cover is that Jesus would use his seclusion to recharge spiritually and emotionally. It is a human  
quality to run out of energy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. An example of this is when Jesus, after healing many  
people and leading out demons, woke up in the morning while it was still dark and went off to a place of solitude to pray (Mark  
1:34-35). This was Jesus’ time to recharge spiritually. Also, after finding out of the death of John the Baptist, Jesus went by  
boat to a solitary place (Matt. 14:13), which was Jesus’ time to grieve and recharge emotionally. Finally, after teaching in the  
mountains and feeding the crowd of five thousand, Jesus went off alone (Matt. 14:23) to have time to recharge physically.  
The third is to gain the right perspective. When Jesus fed the five thousand in John 6 and the people saw the great miracle,  
people began to think that he was the Prophet that was expected to become king of the land. Jesus knew that they wanted him to  
become king – even by force – and, in response, went off again to the mountains alone (John 6:14-15). He used this time to pray  
to God to gain the right perspective. Many times, people today should withdraw and really focus on gaining the right perspective  
of something to make sure it is within God’s will.  
   
The fourth and final example is to do spiritual battle. Jesus, in Matthew 4:1-11, is brought out into the desert by the  
Spirit to grow spiritually by doing battle. Satan comes to tempt Jesus in his seclusion, but Jesus grows from this trial rather  
than falling into Satan’s hands as he beats the temptations of Satan. Many times people are tempted the most while in seclusion  
and prayer, but also win the greatest battles against Satan and his temptations in that seclusion. And also, as Jesus did, we  
should have the Word of God to help defend us in this time of seclusion; as Joshua 1:8 says that we should not let the Word  
depart from us and we should “ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure [we] practice everything written in it” (The  
Message).
   
It is very practical to experience this alone time with God in today’s world. This can be very difficult at times, but even  
seclusion from aspects of society can have great effects. For example, things like disconnecting the computer, television,  
games, and music for a while and really getting into meditation of God and on His Word will aid like in the examples I just gave
from Dennis’ book. Thus far, this seclusion with God is the most practical option of living life, for God promises to be all we  
need. The first was life without people and God, and the second was to live totally with people and not include God. But we must  
realize that God was before we ever were. Genesis 1:1 states that, “In the beginning God…” which proves man was not there yet,  
it was only God. We cannot live separate from God; on the contrary, God can live without us. Compared to our relationship with  
God, nothing is near that important. God alone is sufficient. But still, does living only in a relationship with God living life  
to the fullest that it can be? The best way to live life to its fullest would be to balance the two examples of dependence.  
               
'''Balancing Dependence'''
'''Balancing Dependence'''
   
 
Even in the Monastic Movement, monks realized something major: that psychological disorders form when man has no other  
Even in the Monastic Movement monks realized something major: that psychological disorders form when man has no other human relation. To solve this issue, the monk Pachomius gathered monks in small “communities” to give them some fellowship so that when the monks were travelling around Europe and came upon unbelievers the monks could teach the Gospel efficiently and without suffering from the lack of social skills. Soon after groups of monks were forming, monasteries were also made and Church reforms were more evident, which all prove that the fellowship and grouping was very effective.
human relation. To solve this issue, the monk Pachomius gathered monks in small “communities” to give them some fellowship. This
 
way when the monks were travelling around Europe and came upon unbelievers, the monks could teach the Gospel efficiently and  
Now, believers of Christ can learn from the monastic movement. If a person is alone God will be there and give strength and growth, but much more growth can come from other believers. There are two steps to effectively growing in a relationship. The first is live for God, building that relationship and focusing on that first and prior to any other relationship. The second, then, is to build relationships with other believers. This is often called the Body, or Church. With this relationship with other members of the Body, all believers are able to build each other up in Christ. Members are to “restore and reinstate” those believers that are seen to be overtaken in “misconduct and sin” (Galatians 6:1 AMP). Members are to build each other up and work together as one because “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Without the Body, or Church, we would not be able to build each other up and challenge such growth in the Spirit. God uses the other believers to further develop such things as discipline. God can use those people as an alternative source than from just Him doing things such as rebuking us and helping us grow (Cloud and Townsend).
without suffering from the lack of social skills. Soon after groups of monks were forming, monasteries were also made and Church  
 
reforms were more evident, which all prove that the fellowship and grouping was very effective.
If a person keeps God at the center of his or her relationships and of the upmost priority, and after that has a priority of other human relations to build on the first, then 1 Corinthians 12 is practiced and understood well. Chapter 12 explains how this Body of believers is supposed to act, and act much like human bodies. There are specific parts that complete certain tasks but there is an overall, common goal. All of the parts work together. The parts of this body include apostles, prophets, teachers, miracle workers, healers, comforters, and speakers of tongues. All gifts and talents can be used in its own respective way to complete goals. With no part being more important than another, each part can support another and work in unison. Then, as in ancient tribes, the parts of the Body share burdens and tackle the greatest burden, which is freeing others that are lost in Satan’s lies.  
   
 
Now, believers of Christ can learn from the monastic movement. If a person is alone God will be there and give strength and  
This is not saying that we are not to have relationships with people who are not followers of Christ, because even Jesus enjoyed being with such unbelievers. By having relationships with people who are not believers we can show the love of Christ and hopefully bring them to believe in God’s salvation. The key is, though, to show love and not to show any legalism in exercising faith. William Barclay once said that, “More people have been brought to church by the kindness of real Christian love than by all the theoretical arguments in the world.” Jesus had friendships with his apostles and disciples, but he clearly had good relationships with unbelievers of the time. Such examples are when Jesus embraces the Samaritan woman in John 4:1-39; in Matthew 9:9-10 Jesus went to a tax collectors house to fellowship with him; and Jesus talked with Zacchaeus in Luke 19:5. In all of those relationships, the love of God the Father was the focus. If a person focuses too much on just the relationship with the unbeliever, he or she may become corrupt just as 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns that we cannot be misled: “Bad company corrupts god character” (NIV).
growth, but much more growth can come from other believers. There are two steps to effectively growing in relationships. The  
 
first is live for God, building that relationship and focusing on that first and prior to any other relationship. The second,  
then, is to build relationships with other believers. This is often called the Body, or Church. With this relationship with  
other members of the Body, all believers are able to build each other up in Christ. Members are to “restore and reinstate” those  
believers that are seen to be overtaken in “misconduct and sin” (Galatians 6:1 AMP). Members are to build each other up and work  
together as one because “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Without the Body, or Church, we would not be able  
to build each other up and challenge such growth in the Spirit. God uses the other believers to further develop such things as  
discipline. God can use those people as an alternative source than from just Him doing things such as rebuking us and helping us  
grow (Cloud and Townsend).
   
If a person keeps God at the center of his or her relationships the top priority -and after that has a priority of other  
human relations to build on the first, then 1 Corinthians 12 is understood and practiced well. Chapter 12 explains how this Body  
of believers is supposed to act (much like human bodies). There are specific parts that complete certain tasks, but there is a
common goal overall. All of the parts work together. The parts of this body include apostles, prophets, teachers, miracle  
workers, healers, comforters, and speakers of tongues. All gifts and talents can be used in its own respective way to complete  
goals. With no part being more important than another, each part can support another and work in unison. Then, as an ancient  
tribe, the parts of the Body share burdens and tackle the greatest burden, which is freeing others that are lost in Satan’s  
lies.  
   
This is not saying that we are not to have relationships with people who are not followers of Christ, because even Jesus  
enjoyed being with such unbelievers. By having relationships with people who are not believers, we can show the love of Christ  
and hopefully bring them to believe in God’s salvation. The key is, though, to show love and to not show any legalism in  
exercising faith. William Barclay once said that, “More people have been brought to church by the kindness of real Christian  
love than by all the theoretical arguments in the world.” Jesus had friendships with his apostles and disciples, but he
clearly had good relationships with unbelievers of the time. Such examples are when Jesus embraces the Samaritan woman in John  
4:1-39; in Matthew 9:9-10 Jesus went to a tax collectors house to fellowship with him; and Jesus talked with Zacchaeus in Luke  
19:5. In all of those relationships, the love of God the Father was the focus. If a person focuses too much on just the  
relationship with the unbeliever, he or she may become corrupt, just as 1 Corinthians 15:33 says we cannot be misled: “Bad  
company corrupts god character” (NIV).
           
'''Conclusion'''
'''Conclusion'''
   
All of these groups, from friendships to monks and churches, are formed and work as well as they do because of the priority
in the relationships. A person cannot grow and live well by being completely independent. But when God is the first and
foremost, and then relationships with man take the next priority, personal growth is possible. So in conclusion, the most
efficient and valuable growth in life comes from a person who balances well between relationships with God and relationships
with man.


                 
All of these groups from friendships to monks and churches are formed and work as well as they do because of the priority in the relationships. A person cannot grow and live well by being completely independent. But when God is the first and foremost and relationships with man take the next priority, personal growth is possible. So in conclusion, the most efficient and valuable growth in life comes from a person who balances well between relationships with God and relationships with man.
 
'''Works Cited'''
'''Works Cited'''



Latest revision as of 19:22, 27 November 2007

Topic 9: God is not enough, need people too?

Question: In popular belief & worship songs, it is not uncommon to find the idea that all we need is God. Cloud & Townsend, however, basically argue that God is not enough, we need people too. Do you agree with their view? Why or why not? (Be sure to do more research into the issue. If the group cannot come to a consensus, feel free to have different group members each express their own opinions.)

Robert Niese (Box 143), Arthur Ridder (165), Ben Williams (503) Dr. Tan Christian Heritage

Balancing Relationships

Introduction

This world is filled with many characteristics such as: love, joy and happiness; decisions, trials and tribulations; and wars, hate and sadness. The question then arises of how we may face the previous characteristics of this world. The options of how to face the world include: facing life alone - in total independence; facing it with relationships with other people; facing it with a relationship with only God; or finding a balance between the relationships a person has with God and people. The relationships on which we focus drive our lives and can either help us or hurt us. To face the characteristics of this world positively and effectively a person must follow the best guide to life: the Bible. The Bible is how a person can practically tell what relationships are needed and how to balance the relationships a person has with God and with man.

Total Independence

Very few people in life are totally independent. In fact, a person may find it difficult to remove him or herself from all aspects of society. Total independence and seclusion are many times utilized for social punishment. To illustrate this idea, Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to the islands of Elba and later to Saint Helena as an imprisonment; as a punishment and to suppress him. In fact, with many imprisonments the punishment is centered on seclusion. During the Korean War many United States prisoners of war were imprisoned in complete seclusion as a means to completely cut them off from all other Americans. The reason was to quickly deteriorate their hopes of any victory and also to quickly ebb the morale and sanity of the soldiers. During this time, Korean soldiers would try to “brainwash” (this is when this term gained notoriety) the prisoners. They would slander capitalism and other American institutions as failures daily, and contrast that with proof of the superiority of communism (“Prisoners of War in the Korean War”). According to the listings in the article “Prisoners of War in the Korean War,” approximately 2,600 soldiers died in this type of setting, while other soldiers were claimed to suffer from disease or abuse. This information helps to prove that with being secluded and without something for which they could live, situations are difficult to face. Soldiers like this – living in seclusion and being repetitively attacked psychologically – would go to bed and not wake up the next morning.

Though seclusion may not be forced, through this example we can see the results of the secluded POWs when facing difficulties. This is the same with us in our relationships: if we are in seclusion we prevent ourselves from witnessing the love that is available to us from relationships with people. This way of living – a life of seclusion – is near impossible, though not wholly impossible. Like the prisoners of war we would have nothing for which we could live our lives making life meaningless. On the contrary, relationships give more meaning to our lives and more support in our lives, for it is difficult to face life alone. This proves that this option of facing the world is not the best.

The Extreme Possibilities of Dependence

Since total independence from any type of relationship is proven not to be the best way to live, the possibilities of a type of dependence will be covered. The two possibilities are living with relationships with only man and having a relationship with God alone.

Relationships with Man

The second overall option – the first dependency option – is that of having relationships with only man, which is the opposite of total independence. From the beginning of life on earth people have formed into tribes and similar groups to make life easier. The tribe would divide the work into tasks that certain people would be able to accomplish easier. For example, the males would hunt, defend the tribe if needed, and find protection against the weather while the women and some children would gather certain foods and prepare it to provide for the families and tribe. The system as a whole was very effective and helped the tribes flourish. Just like that example of the tribes, we today depend on other people to work together to flourish. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 and 12 states that

Two are better than one…. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! … Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (NIV)

Not much else can be added to this verse, for it speaks for itself. Everyone recognizes the power, abilities, and comfort that is available in a large group compared to what individuality offers. To illustrate how groups can bring strength and comfort to each member at the same time I will explain Jane Elliot’s eye color experiment. Jane Elliot, a grade school teacher, once conducted an experiment with her third grade class. I saw evident groups being formed in this experiment that fit into what was previously explained in Ecclesiastes 4. The purpose of this experiment was to see how children would learn firsthand the elements of discrimination. Elliot divided up the class based on eye color. The children with blue eyes went in one group and the other group was of brown-eyed children; the first group had to wear a collar around their necks to show the superiority of the other. Then, she told them that the blue-eyed group would be “on the bottom” and the brown-eyed group “on the top.” Jane then experienced the brown-eyed group acting physically and psychologically superior to the blue-eyed group. The brown-eyed group was standing up straighter and paying more attention in class, but they would mistreat the blue-eyed group. What the blue-eyed group did in response was very interesting. The group began struggling in all classes and seemed to consistently slouch. The most interesting thing the groups did when friendships were broken as Elliot started this experiment was after receiving harassment: new friendships were formed in these groups.

Next, Elliot tested the children again by reversing the order of superiority (along with the group wearing the collar); the blue-eyed group was now “on the top.” The brown-eyed group, whose members were once individuals “on the top," was then forming groups at the bottom just as the blue-eyed group did because they were the failing group. But when the brown-eyed group took advantage of their superiority, the blue-eyed group was more empathetic. When they were superior they were not as degrading as the brown-eyed group was, they also did not become individuals with power; they only were a group more superior to the brown-eyed group. No harassment was issued by the superior group. When looking at this experiment, a person can see that groups are formed out of need; out of desire of solace and comfort.

The children of Elliot’s third grade class can understand Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12 with much ease. “It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth,” and also that, “By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst” (The Message).

Relationship with God

The other extreme possibility of having a relationship is only having a dependence on God. This was a popular belief during the Monastic Movement. The Monastic Movement focused on people taking a vow of poverty and solitude and go out into the wilderness to pray, to be educated, and to be spiritually grown (Kreis). This way of living worked well for the monks involved. The alone time that they spent in prayer and learning Scripture with God helped them when they went from community to community to share the Gospel with people. A person today may have a similar kind of solitude occur. It could be either on purpose, like a priest taking a sabbatical leave, or circumstantial. What I mean by circumstantial is that at times a person may lose support of friends and have to face things alone with God. Personally, I experienced this when I dedicated my life to Christ for all my friends left me and I was alone to grow and live for God. But the person that is alone should not worry about being physically alone – because God is there in spirit. He will come (John 14:18) and be a part of a person’s heart. Once He has come, He will give ample strength and aid (Isaiah 41:10) to a person and nothing in this world can separate that person from the love and grace that is given by God (Romans 8:35-39, Deuteronomy 31:6). This series of verses is what is promised by God and is proven true through the prophets and monks, as well as through any follower of Christ that has been alone.

There is a practicality in seclusion, as shown by Jay Dennis in his book The Jesus Habits. Dennis uses Jesus’ examples in the Gospels to show how people today can benefit from the practice of seclusion. To illustrate, Jesus was human so he got hungry, tired, his feet hurt, and he was worn by teaching. What Jesus would do to be renewed, restored and recharged was to go off alone to pray, as Luke 5:16 states that “Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray” (NASB). Sometimes we need to go off alone like Jesus to “spend time with God…and [allow our] emotional and spiritual batteries to be recharged” (Dennis). Dennis covers the following points of what Jesus accomplished from seclusion that we can follow: He found the Father’s will, prayed, recharged spiritually and emotionally, ate (Mark 6:31-32), gained the right perspective, learned to do spiritual battle and listened to what God wanted us to hear. I will briefly expound a few.

Being alone also helps us find the will of God. This example comes from the gospel of Matthew 26:36-46. Jesus went up to the garden of Gethsemane to withdraw to clarify his understanding of the will of the Father. Since he knew that he could not face what was to come on his own, he prayed, “Yet, not as my will, but as you (the Father) will.” He just needed reassurance of God’s will that everything would be made right. This shows us that secluding ourselves in prayer to find out and follow the Father’s will may not be the easiest or most convenient for us, but it is necessary to bring clarity to our perception of it.

The second that I will cover is that Jesus would use his seclusion to recharge spiritually and emotionally. It is a human quality to run out of energy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. An example of this is when Jesus, after healing many people and leading out demons, woke up in the morning while it was still dark and went off to a place of solitude to pray (Mark 1:34-35). This was Jesus’ time to recharge spiritually. Also, after finding out of the death of John the Baptist, Jesus went by boat to a solitary place (Matt. 14:13), which was Jesus’ time to grieve and recharge emotionally. Finally, after teaching in the mountains and feeding the crowd of five thousand, Jesus went off alone (Matt. 14:23) to have time to recharge physically.

The third is to gain the right perspective. When Jesus fed the five thousand in John 6 and the people saw the great miracle, people began to think that he was the Prophet that was expected to become king of the land. Jesus knew that they wanted him to become king – even by force – and, in response, He went off again to the mountains alone (John 6:14-15). He used this time to pray to God to gain the right perspective. Many times, people today should withdraw and really focus on gaining the right perspective of something to make sure it is within God’s will.

The fourth and final example on which I will expound is to do spiritual battle. Jesus, in Matthew 4:1-11, is brought out into the desert by the Spirit to grow spiritually by doing battle. Satan comes to tempt Jesus in his seclusion, but Jesus grows from this trial rather than falling into Satan’s hands as He beats the temptations of Satan. Many times people are tempted the most while in seclusion and prayer, but also win the greatest battles against Satan and his temptations in that seclusion. As Jesus did, we should have the Word of God to help defend us in this time of seclusion; as Joshua 1:8 says that we should not let the Word depart from us and we should “ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure [we] practice everything written in it” (The Message).

It is very practical to experience this alone time with God in today’s world. This can be very difficult at times, but even seclusion from aspects of society can have great effects. For example, things like disconnecting the computer, television, games, and music for a while and really getting into meditation of God and on His Word will aid a person, as in the past examples from Dennis’ book. Thus far, this seclusion with God is the most practical option of living life, for God promises to be all we need. The first was life without people and God, and the second was to live totally with people and not include God. But we must realize that God was before we ever were. Genesis 1:1 states that, “In the beginning God…” which proves man was not there yet, it was only God. We cannot live separate from God; on the contrary, God can live without us. Compared to our relationship with God, nothing is near that important. God alone is sufficient. But still, does living only in a relationship with God living life to the fullest that it can be? The best way to live life to its fullest would be to balance the two examples of dependence.

Balancing Dependence

Even in the Monastic Movement monks realized something major: that psychological disorders form when man has no other human relation. To solve this issue, the monk Pachomius gathered monks in small “communities” to give them some fellowship so that when the monks were travelling around Europe and came upon unbelievers the monks could teach the Gospel efficiently and without suffering from the lack of social skills. Soon after groups of monks were forming, monasteries were also made and Church reforms were more evident, which all prove that the fellowship and grouping was very effective.

Now, believers of Christ can learn from the monastic movement. If a person is alone God will be there and give strength and growth, but much more growth can come from other believers. There are two steps to effectively growing in a relationship. The first is live for God, building that relationship and focusing on that first and prior to any other relationship. The second, then, is to build relationships with other believers. This is often called the Body, or Church. With this relationship with other members of the Body, all believers are able to build each other up in Christ. Members are to “restore and reinstate” those believers that are seen to be overtaken in “misconduct and sin” (Galatians 6:1 AMP). Members are to build each other up and work together as one because “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Without the Body, or Church, we would not be able to build each other up and challenge such growth in the Spirit. God uses the other believers to further develop such things as discipline. God can use those people as an alternative source than from just Him doing things such as rebuking us and helping us grow (Cloud and Townsend).

If a person keeps God at the center of his or her relationships and of the upmost priority, and after that has a priority of other human relations to build on the first, then 1 Corinthians 12 is practiced and understood well. Chapter 12 explains how this Body of believers is supposed to act, and act much like human bodies. There are specific parts that complete certain tasks but there is an overall, common goal. All of the parts work together. The parts of this body include apostles, prophets, teachers, miracle workers, healers, comforters, and speakers of tongues. All gifts and talents can be used in its own respective way to complete goals. With no part being more important than another, each part can support another and work in unison. Then, as in ancient tribes, the parts of the Body share burdens and tackle the greatest burden, which is freeing others that are lost in Satan’s lies.

This is not saying that we are not to have relationships with people who are not followers of Christ, because even Jesus enjoyed being with such unbelievers. By having relationships with people who are not believers we can show the love of Christ and hopefully bring them to believe in God’s salvation. The key is, though, to show love and not to show any legalism in exercising faith. William Barclay once said that, “More people have been brought to church by the kindness of real Christian love than by all the theoretical arguments in the world.” Jesus had friendships with his apostles and disciples, but he clearly had good relationships with unbelievers of the time. Such examples are when Jesus embraces the Samaritan woman in John 4:1-39; in Matthew 9:9-10 Jesus went to a tax collectors house to fellowship with him; and Jesus talked with Zacchaeus in Luke 19:5. In all of those relationships, the love of God the Father was the focus. If a person focuses too much on just the relationship with the unbeliever, he or she may become corrupt just as 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns that we cannot be misled: “Bad company corrupts god character” (NIV).

Conclusion

All of these groups from friendships to monks and churches are formed and work as well as they do because of the priority in the relationships. A person cannot grow and live well by being completely independent. But when God is the first and foremost and relationships with man take the next priority, personal growth is possible. So in conclusion, the most efficient and valuable growth in life comes from a person who balances well between relationships with God and relationships with man.

Works Cited

“A Class Divided.” William Peters. PBS.org. 23 October 2007. <http://www.pbs.org/ wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/divided/etc/friday.html>

Cloud, Dr. Henry and Dr. John Townsend. How People Grow. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2001.

Dennis, Jay. The Jesus Habits. Nashville: Broadman and Holman Publishers, 2005.

Kreis, Steven. “Early Medieval Monasticism.” 26 February 2006. The History Guide. 25 September 2007. <http://www.historyguide.org/ancient/lecture19b.html>

“Prisoners of War in the Korean War.” Korean War Commemoration Web Site. 22 October 2007. < http://korea50.army.mil/history/factsheets/pow.shtml>

Schroeder, Father Roger, S.V.D. Telephone interview. 29 October 2007.

The Holy Bible: King James Version/Amplified Bible Parallel Edition. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 1995.

The Holy Bible: The New American Standard Bible. “Luke 5:16.” Bible Gateway. 22 October 2007. < http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/ ?search=Luke%205:16&version=49>

The Holy Bible: The New International Version. Colorado Springs: The International Bible Society, 1984.

The Holy Bible: The Message. Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2005