KCU/03/King Pins

Topic 24: Past still haunts us?

Question: In light of the discussion in ch. 19 of How People Grow, what role do you think the past plays in our growth & how should we deal with our past? For instance, some people would argue that we can just forget the past & leave it entirely behind us. Others think that we can never escape our past & it will forever haunt us. What do you think? (Be sure to do more research into the issue. If the group cannot come to a consensus, feel free to have different group members each express their own opinions.)

Our Pasts: Why do they Haunt Us?

A past, a thing that everyone of us has, whether it is pleasant, or not so pleasant. It’s one of those things in our lives that all of us have to deal with, every minute of everyday. The way we deal with it, or manage it, makes us the kind of person that we are today. Some people choose to deal with their pasts in different way; let it haunt them and never try to do anything about, others act like they have no past or the past is past and they just don’t worry about it, or they try to reconcile with those they’ve done wrong and themselves, or they deal with the problem when it happens so that it doesn’t become a problem. . But which is the true and right way to deal with this problem, if it is a problem for you, well that is what we are going to discuss, in-depth, here.

What Kind of Things Haunt us?

There are many things in our past that can haunt us. Here is a small list that gives you an idea of what kind of things get to people:

 A sexual encounter that should have never happened  An angry outburst against someone you love  A death to someone you were close to  A relationship that went wrong  Personally facing a near death situation  Social rejection as a child or a young adult  A bad relationship with your parents  A divorce  Experiencing abuse of any kind  An addiction to drugs, alcohol, or gambling  An Eating Disorder  A bad decision in any form

These are the kind of things that tend to haunt people from the time of the incident, until it is resolved in one way, shape or form.

The past does still haunt us in a way. There are people who wish they could go back in time and change some of the things they did. For instance, when drunk drivers kill someone, they are usually full of remorse because once they sober up they know what they did and have to live with the fact that they took an innocent life. People who make stupid decisions always want to go back and fix things. On the other hand, everybody else that doesn’t regret or feel haunted by the past learns from the past and doesn’t make the same mistakes. Someone once told me to have no regrets, no matter what, just remember what was done and to make a different decision, one that will not haunt us. In a way, the past can haunt us, but only if we let it. It is completely our choice if the past haunts us. If we let the past haunt us, it could end up running our lives and stopping us from doing things that we enjoy.

One thing that tends to haunt peoples lives for a very longtime and is so severe that sometimes people never get over it and it completely ruins their lives, and this horrible, degrading thing is sexual abuse and rape. This is a serious problem for the person that this has happened too, a devastating act that causes massive amounts of emotional trauma and stress. So what is a person to do, regarding these emotional issues? It is not easily forgotten, but some people are able to do so, some don’t know how to deal with it and really want to receive help to get over it and get on with their lives, and yet there are still some who believe it is their fault and that they should have to live with it. Well there are pros and cons to all of these approaches, but which is really the best?

Should you just bottle it up and never think about like it never happened? How will this help me, or will it help me at all? Well the fact of the matter is, this, at first, isn’t as bad as it seems, you will temporarily be able to get over it a lot fast if you just cross it out of you memory, and you will be able to go on with you life and be able to function in society. But as you may have noticed I said temporarily, what do I mean by this? Well this is the same principle as with anything else, if you bottle it up and hold it inside yourself, and never let it out, you will eventually explode and have a meltdown of built up emotions. Granted that if you keep things to your self, the meltdown is inevitable, now you are in a position to where you have to get over it, somehow some way, and at this point it is not a very easy task, nor is it at any point, but it just tends to get worse if you wait.

Now how do you get over it, well the first, simplest, and easiest steps would be to read a self-help book, they tend to be very effective means of learning about how other have deal with it, and they will also give you some insight on how to begin the process of getting back to yourself. Talking to a trusted friend or family member is a very good way to just get the issue out in the open, if you’ve been keeping it a secret, and even if haven’t kept it a secret, its good to just vent to someone about the issue, get mad, yell, cry just release some of you emotions. And on occasion is good enough, and they are able to move along and get on with their lives. These actions will most likely be able to help those who are quickly ready to get over the incident . But there are some more serious situations, where this isn’t enough, and these situation tend to be worsened by waiting and holding it in. People in these such situations will need to go a step further and seek the aid of a therapist who are trained to help people get over these kinds of problems and others like them. Joining a support group is also able to help by being with those who have been through the same situation that you have been through. Making you realize that you aren’t the only one in the world.